Gif Created on Make A Gif The Scalar Kitchen: September 2009

Monday, September 28, 2009

TOP FIVE THINGS TO SAY WHILE LUNCHING WITH LEGRAND LAMP


In 1899, Pierre Bonnard painted this:

Titled, "Lunch at Le Grand Lamps."

Here are some helpful hints if you're ever to lunch with the man himself.

your daily top five conversation-starters during your luncheon with Legrand Lamp:

1)"I dare say, is that a basket of bananas?"

2)"It feels just like the Swiss Alps in here."

3)"Are those mesh shorts?"

4)"Some say you are a flash in the plan, but I disagree."

5)"Mmm, banana pudding again, I see."

OH MAN< EATING SO MUCH


Eating chocolate covered nuts and fruits for breakfast is a healthy way to start your day.

Is this offensive?

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Barf

REVIEW: BEN & JERRY'S CHERRY GARCIA LOWFAT FROZEN YOGURT


It has a finer sand in it.

TOP FIVE EVIL FOODS

your daily top five evil foods: reviewed by Evil Food Eater Conchita

1)EVIL FOOD EATER CONCHITA
"I am the most evil-food-eating Conchita."



2)DELICIOUS FOOD
"'Delicious Food' is also pretty evil."



3)THIS GUY HERE
"My mother always told me: 'Conchita, eat that pig'. This is one my first evil foods. Number 3."



4)CAT SOUP
"An evil-food-eating girl like Conchita, could really get along with a guy like this."



5)RUDY GIULIANI EATING BACKWARDS
"For an evil-food-eating girl like Conchita, it's harder to get a hold of evil foods after Mr. Giuliani 'cleaned-up' the place. But I still admire the evil way he eats."

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

TOP FIVE BIBLE QUOTES ABOUT FOOD

your daily bible quotes about food, reviewed by buster:

1)Don't you see that whatever enters the mouth goes into the stomach and then out of the body? Matthew 15:17

2)My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you. Psalm 63:5

3)I eat my fill of prime rib and gravy; I smack my lips. It's time to shout praises! Psalm 63:5

4)Men ate the bread of angels; he sent them all the food they could eat.

5)“All flesh is like grass and all its glory like the flower of grass. Peter 1:22-25

hey guys.


remember that ice cream we got?

that ice cream had sand in it.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

TOP FIVE THINGS THAT I BROUGHT FOR LUNCH TODAY


your daily top five things I brought for lunch today, reviewed by Christine:

1) FRUIT ON THE BOTTOM YOGURT
"Kind of nasty, but when you stir, it becomes something different entirely."

2) A TOMATO IN A ZIPLOCK BAG
"Protection is key, especially in today's world. Yesterday I brought a tomato to work not in a ziplock bag, and I don't want to talk about it."

3) HUMMUS IN COMICALLY OVER-SIZED TUPPERWARE
"Seriously. So little hummus. So much tupperware. But there is a hint of jalapenos! (I will let you guess whether I am talking about the hummus or the tupperware)"

4) TWO SLICES OF BREAD
"They are going to make me a 'mean' sandwich in that panini machine, I'll tell you what. And by mean, I mean awesome. I only like nice sandwiches."

5) THREE (COUNT 'EM) THREE SLICES OF CHEESE
"I didn't bring the tomatoes for nothing."


Tuesday, September 15, 2009

TOP FIVE REASONS WHY FOODSWINGS IS HORRIBLE

your daily reasons why foodswings is horrible, reviewed by jessica:

1)THEY WILL DELIVER RIGHT THERE, BUT NOT HERE.



just so you know, they are here.


2)SOMETIMES THEY DON'T DELIVER AT ALL:
"and you have to do a 'forty minutes later'"

3)FUCK THOSE PEOPLE:
"they are always always mean to us"

4)THEY ARE CONFUSING ON THE PHONE:
"i do not want the buffalo basket"

5)EVERYTHING IS STILL SO TERRIBLY DELICIOUS:
"there is no animal nothing in this subsequent food picture."

Sunday, September 13, 2009

TOP FIVE LISTS

your daily top five lists, reviewed by orion:

1)HEAD ATTACKS:
"This was the best one because of the amount of video."

2)BUSTER'S FAVOURITE FLAVOURS
"Look at that mustache. British spelling. Priceless, this is great."

3)VOSGES CHOCOLATE THINGS
"I fucking hate chocolate."

4)HOT SAUCES
"Hot Sauces. Even though I don't like it so spicy, you know?"

5)APPLE JUICE:
"This was the first top five."

Saturday, September 12, 2009

YOU CAN'T DRINK HOT LIQUID OUT OF A STRAW



Sorry, buddies. It just doesn't work.

Friday, September 11, 2009

BACK ON TRACK





TOP FIVE VOSGES TOP-HOLAT

your daily top five top-holat, reviewed by Christine:

1) WASABI PEAS+ BLACK PEARL TRUFFLE=
"WHAT BLACK PEARL SHOULD TASTE LIKE. TAKE THAT, MARKOFF."





2) HOLIDAY PEACE COCK-RING
"Useless crap? No, much more important: Uselss crap ontop of Marzipan! Everyone loves Marzipan!
"No. No one likes Marzipan. Or crappy 60s hippy thowbacks."

3) HIP-HOP BLING COLLECTION

"'This decadent truffle combines white chocolate, Krug ® Champagne and gold leaf—echoing rap's transition from music to a culture of "bling" popularized in the late 1990s and early 2000s. The word "bling" was first used in 1999 by rappers B.G., Juvenile and Baby Birdman on their track Bling Bling to celebrate their flashy wealth and expensive diamonds. It quickly became a fad, infiltrating rap and hip-hop music until recent years, when the phrase became too commonplace to garner the same street value. Since then, many artists have spoken out against the bling lifestyle, criticizing it as promoting materialism in lieu of responsibility. Even still, "bling" remains a part of hip hop history. '"

4) CARAMEL MASHMALLOWZ

"I will eat these everyday. F you. There are none left for you."




5) BACON CARAMEL TOFFEE SANDWICH


"Yeah, yeah.. Bacon toffee? Bacon and chocolate? Giggle giggle. I love bacon. But seriously, make some sort of meat/ cheese sandwich, get a panini machine, put some of this shiz in there and you are floating on a delicious river of over-indulgence."

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Head Attacks

your daily head attacks, reviewed by: Nick

1)Crystal Skulls:
"Oh, I don't like that at all."


2)Scanners Head Explosion:
"That one guy is scanning the other guy, but then the other guy is scanning him back. And then at the end, his head explodes. And then the other guy is like, 'I just scanned you.'"


3)Facemelter
"Based on your interest in head explosions, we thought that you might like: Facemelter."


4)Tassos Sofroniou - "Total Recall"
"Oh wow don't ask."


5)8000 Hertz *KOPFSCHMERZATTACKE*
"This reminds me of my lacrosse coach."

ROYAL CROWN SODA



"Of royalty"
-Christine

THE FOOD THAT COMES WITH FRIENDS

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

WORST SONGS TO EAT TO

1) Nine Inch Nails--Closer


ACTUALLY THIS POST IS OVER. WHAT THE FUCK.

FAVOURITE FOOD/COCKTAILS



your daily food/cocktail pairings, reviewed by Orion:

1) Long Island Ice Tea and Ramen:
"It's the distinct flavours of the Orient mixing with the briny, crisp SINsations of the Longest Island of them All."

2) Bloody Mary and Yogurt:
"Oh, you feel this one, don't you, Jessica?"

3) Mimosas and Waffles:
"Mmmmmmmmmmrrrrmmmyyyrrrmmm....yeah. uh. yeah."

4) Jager Bomb and Tacos:
"The Gross."

5) Whiskey Ginger and Gingersnaps:
"gingergingergingergingerginger."

KEYS TO A HAPPY MARRIAGE


i got Buster, I got Paul, I got Orion, I got some slugs, I got all livestock I got all livestock I got all livestock...




I FOOLED YOU I FOOLED YOU I GOT SCALLION PANCAKES.

Ingredients:

* 2 cups flour
* 2 eggs, beaten
* 1.5 cups water
* 1 bunch of scallions, halved and cut into 2-3 inch lengths
* 1 tsp salt
* Oil for cooking
Preparation:

1. Mix all ingredients together and let sit for about 10 minutes. Check consistency before cooking – batter should be a little bit runnier than American pancake batter, so that the Pa Jun cooks quickly and evenly.

2. Heat a saute pan over medium heat and coat with a thin layer of oil.

3. Pour batter to fill pan in a thin layer (about 1/3 of your batter should fill a regular saute pan).

4. Cook for 3-4 minutes until set and golden brown on bottom.

5. Turn over with help of spatula or plate (or flip it in the air if you are good at that) and finish by cooking 1-2 more minutes, adding more oil if necessary.

6. Serve with soy or spicy dipping sauce.

(Serves 4 as an appetizer or a side dish)



i may be right, i may be wrong you know you gonna miss me when I got
SPICY DIPPING SAUCE

Ingredients:

* 1/3 cup soy sauce
* 1/3 cup rice wine vinegar
* 1 Tbsp sesame oil
* 1 Tbsp chili pepper flakes (kochukaru)
* 1 Tbsp scallions, thinly sliced
* 1 tsp finely chopped garlic

HALLELUJAH I'M GONNA MIX THESE INGREDIENTS

FROSTED MINI-WHEATS



































Favorite Frosted Mini-Wheats
Reviewed by Christine:

1-5) THE ONES I AM EATING RIGHT NOW.



Tuesday, September 8, 2009

How to Make Dark Schmorgonite

BUSTER'S FAVOURITES


my favourite flavours
reviewed by buster:

1)Treats:
"My favorite treats are small enough to eat in one bite. Otherwise, break 'em up for me a little bit. I include the eucharist in this category. Also, have you tried Dentables? They are quite good, and my breath is a little fresher too."

2)Kibble:
"I am more than 90% made entirely of pure kibble."

3)Grass:
"It helps me vomit."

4)Water:
"It's one of my few foods."

5)Plastic on the Floor:
"It's kind of like grass, in that it makes me vomit."

REVIEW: BEN & JERRY'S VANILLA


this ice cream has sand in it.

HOT SAUCE


your daily hot sauces
reviewed by Jessica:

1.Sri Racha:
"The Queen of all sauces with roosters on the label. For noodles, primarily."

2. Red Rooster:
"The penultimate best hot sauce with a rooster on the label. Primarily for things that are fried. Sometimes Indian food."

3. Tapatillo:
"Sweet beam of California loving glory. A Poem for Tapatillo."

4. Tabasco:
"Your ol' granddad's kind of hot sauce. No frills, just: Tobasco. Good for: eggs-eating in Old Man Diner at eight in the morning.

5. Assorted Imitations:
Chalula. Red Devil. Trader Joe's Pimento. The Third Best Sauce with a rooster on the label: that chili and garlic paste; it's more of a cylinder...okay.

APPLE JUICE


your daily applejuices, reviewed by Paul:

1) Apple Dandy:
"whether i buy this or not, this is my favorite flavor of the juices."

2) Apple and Eve:
"This juice is like as if Eve, the mother of us all, had sexual relations with our apple juice. Definitely a 'Forbidden Fruit'"

3) Krasdale:
"Krasdale tastes really horrible. This is one of those Krasdale products where you can taste the Krasdale."

4) Motts:
"It was on sale, so I bought it."

5) Martinelli's:
"In my caddy, gonna smoke a fatty...the champagne of apple juice."