JUST WORKIN ON THAT SCALAR VORTEX

REVIEW: NEW IMAGINIARY SITCOM "WINGZ"

SHE'S A STRAIGHT-TALKING ANGEL WITH NO HAIR AND TWO GRANDBABIES

"i just call em like i tell em sumthin'. after i see em."





"say every girl ya not wanna be it. she says in din around just ding around them."

TOP FIVE 'DRESSED LIKE FOOD'S

your daily top five 'dressed like food's, reviewed by a wet cake

1)Dogs dressed like food.
"Number 1 'dressed like food.'"

2)Rapanella Sanzio
"Me? Am I dressed like FOOD?" -Rapanella Sanzio

3)Billy Collins, a.k.a. Strawberry Collins

"I'm Billy Collins, but I'm also a stawberry wearing a tuxedo." -Billy Collins

4)Giant Canned Food Snake

"When you're on the go, and everything just fashion. And you're a Canned Food Snake. #4 top five 'dressed like food.'

5)You.
"You should dress like food. You too can be top five 'dressed like food.'"

REVIEW: Candy Paradise

It's like a paradise of candy.

TOP FIVE FOOD BLOG NAMES

your daily top five food blog names, reviewed by food


1)Someone Left a Cake Out in the Rain.

"And I'll never have that recipe again. Actually. Top 1 Foods."

EXCUSE ME.

but are you guys AF Friendly?
(arm free friendly)

REVIEW: HI CHEW

upon close examination, i think this is a chew.

TOP ONE FOODS OF ANGRY TEMPERATURE

Christine's cold, impatient heart.

TOP 1 HOT FOODS JESSICA WOULD HAVE REVIEWED IF SHE REALLY CARED ABOUT THIS BLOG

your daily top one hot foods that Jessica would have reviewed if she cared about this blog half as much as she should, reviewed by Uber-Jessica.



1)Hot kale with salt and tapatio:



"I'm going to sing about all my hot, spicy kale." -Jessica in the cast of Jersey Boys.

DISAPPOINTED

I was pretty sure that Jessica was going to review the TOP 5 HOT FOODS after the scene she made in class last night. I guess some people are just not that into hot foods.

More after the jump.



And by that I don't really know what that means.







BLOGGING

FOOD REVIEW: MORE CHEESE

It's cool that there's more cheese.

Here, cleanse your palette.

Winston eating something.

FOOD ALERT: YOU WILL NEVER WANT TO EAT AGAIN

Nick says: I have seen the face of darkness, and she is horrifying. I never want to eat bananas again. Or get married. Or walk down a hall. Or look at anything. Or open my eyes.

(I'm seriously sure that 80% of our viewership does not really want to see this. This is an actual warning/apology. Run away/sorry.





Also you now will never want to eat cake again:

TOP FIVE PUDDING CATCH PHRASES

your daily top five pudding catch phrases, reviewed by pudding collins

1)Puddin' Style: "Get this on a mug."

2)Pudding Bear

"A big, clumsy, yet lovable animal who can be seen wearing camo outfit as well as diving a big blue truck...skilled in the art of Afro enginering the pudding bear can also be seen fishing or mowing the lawn..the pudding bear is what is known for being "farm strong"...however it is terrified of snakes and lizards...it's only known enemy is the public school education system."

3)I like pudding.
"0:31 = Children on the internet."

4)Puddin' 'n' Tain "You won't believe this story..."

5)Mew Pudding Waka Laka
"If you like Evil Food-Eater Conchita. You might like this Pudding."

HAPPY 75TH ANNIVERSARY, DINNER

Attention: Dinner Magazine presents: Dinner

For 75 years, Dinner has been a food celebration. Happy 75th, guys.



Just watch this long enough so that you see the dinner.

REVIEW: BRITISH PEOPLE'S FOOD

"girl, what you puttin' on them...brown...foods?"
"bitch, you don't want to know."

RECIPE: JESSICA'S GUACAMOLE.

"You just have to keep in mind that eating an avocado is like crawling back into the womb--as tears stream over my face slaving over this hot guacamole."

But after that, we are starting a fashion blog called: The Scalar Closet.

Actually, Jessica's guacamole recipe is CLASSIFED.